Has anyone else been feeling an abundance of spite lately? Or is it just me?
I don’t know what it is (Maybe it’s the pandemic? Maybe it’s Maybelline?), but other people have been putting me on edge this past month. I find myself disdaining strangers who I pass by on social distance walks, people I line up behind on rare grocery excursions, and folks I see only on social media. When someone takes excessive precautions, when someone doesn’t take enough precautions, when someone criticizes someone else for not taking enough precautions, all of it grates on me. And maybe it’s projection, but I feel a sense of hostility from people as well, mirroring my own.
In general, I don’t get the feeling that people are coming together in unity in the face of this crisis. I get the impression that people are hoarding toilet paper, complaining about wearing masks, and making bad choices.
But I think what’s actually probably happening is that I’m being bitter. All I need is a quick mindset shift and I’ll be much happier. But as is usually the case, a “quick mindset shift” is not something that is easy. Maybe I need to try to be more empathetic, more vulnerable.
Here’s something you should know about me: I had a rat tail as a kid. I think through first or second grade. It was hideous. It happened. My friends and their parents still give me shit for it. I asked my mom to find a picture of it and she was unable to, and I am ever thankful that it happened before social media and really digital cameras, because this easily could have been me:
But is it my fault? I mean, I wasn’t cutting my own hair, so there was an adult who was doing that to me. A grown, responsible adult was saying: this is fine, no way this long strand of hair crawling down the back of the neck is going to impact this child’s social life with permanent ramifications on their self esteem. It was a systemic failure - the barber allowed it, my parents and grandparents allowed it. Anyone who had a pair of scissors and access to the nape of my neck allowed it. (Like in times of pandemic, each of us bears responsibility for the common good.)
Even if young me had been advocating relentlessly for the rat tail, is it not a parent’s responsibility to make unpopular choices for their child’s well being? Why did my parents even bother making me eat broccoli or turn off video games if they just were going to let me destroy myself with terrible hair decisions?
When you see a child with a mullet or a rat tail, you feel a mixture of negative emotions. One is schadenfreude: haha that kid looks like an idiot. Another is pity. Another is irritation. But you have to try to remind yourself that it’s not the kid’s fault.
Maybe it’s the same with adults who I judge so harshly in my casual interactions with them. Whatever they do that irks me, maybe it’s not their fault. Everybody is super stressed about the pandemic and the ensuing economic and public health uncertainty. They aren’t making great decisions, but maybe they don’t have a lot of great options to choose between.
An example I can relate with: it seems unlikely I will be able to get a professional haircut in the next month or so. My choices are to let my hair grow out (which will be bad) or to cut it myself (which will also be bad). Maybe if I can somehow choose to be less judgmental, people will be less judgmental of me when my apocalypse mullet grows in.
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Thanks for sticking with me so far! Keep voting and I’ll keep writing these!