Making Friends as an Adult & Andy Samberg
or, Making Friends with Andy Samberg
Making friends as an adult is not necessarily something I consider myself good at. I mean, I’m pretty friendly and I can start a conversation, but I’m not someone who easily befriends strangers. I’ve made a couple friends as an adult - mostly through work or other friends. But most of my friends are friends I made in high school and college (shout out: majority of this reading audience).
However, as an adult, I think I would like to be friends with Andy Samberg. Of course I have no idea who he really is as a person, all I have to go on are the various roles he’s played. So perhaps it’s better to say I would like to be friends with some of Andy Samberg’s characters. Although I should add I would not like to be friends with some other characters. In Samberg’s repertoire, there are a lot of lessons of what you should and shouldn’t do to make new friends.
1) It’s OK to look like you’re trying too hard
I’m pretty sure the main ingredient for a potential new friendship is initiative. People are creatures of habit: they live in a swallow’s nest of old routines, safe activities, and mortar-like saliva. If you want to introduce yourself into someone’s life, you have to be proactive in doing so. Plan activities, invite people, and when they say they’re busy or flake out (of course if they really don’t want to hang out with you you gotta respect that) then be ready to try again. If you feel embarrassed or feel like you’re intruding by reaching out to someone - well, that’s how I usually feel, too. A lot of the time, people are busy and plans don’t work out, but like Rod Kimble from Hot Rod, it’s important to keep trying through failure.
2) Be yourself (even if you’re weird)
A great friend once told me: “Adam, I never thought we were going to be friends because you are too weird.” However, to be fair:
But in the end, even though she thought I was weird (which I wouldn’t really want anyone *not* to think anyway), she was polite, got to know me better, and became a great friend. I think it’s important to be yourself for two main reasons: first, it lets people know who you are so they can self-select whether they’ll gel with you or not; second, often when people change to try to fit in, they end up becoming more boring as a result.
If you’re weird, and Andy Samberg and I are definitely weird, that’s ok. Just make weird friends.
3) Bond over common interests
Talk to people about what you’re into! If they have some of the same interests then it gives you a ton to talk about. Of course, not everyone who likes the same things as you is going to be a good friend, but it’s a nice place to start. If you like your work, like Jake in Brooklyn Nine Nine, you can become friends with your coworkers. Or you can connect over your other hobbies like dancing or fashion.
I hear a great way to meet new people is to participate in activities. One time, I almost became friends with some people because we were all enrolled in a dance class, but I was too shy to try to plan a non-dance activity with them.
4) Don’t be shy
Being shy isn’t something you can just choose not to do, but it can get in the way of making a good first impression and communicating your friendliness. I think shyness has caused me to give off the wrong impression, and people will quickly begin to think you dislike them because you are so afraid of them disliking you. Take Shy Ronnie for example: even though his friend Rihanna is trying her best to give him confidence and support, he has a lot of trouble gaining people’s understanding and friendship.
5) Get your friends to introduce you to their friends
I’ll just let Andy handle this one…
6) Respect boundaries & look out for red flags
The most important lesson about making new friends is that not everyone is a good friend. It’s totally ok for you to decide not to be friends with someone, and it’s totally ok for someone to decide not to be friends with you. Even though my first point was about being persistent, pay attention to signs when it seems like someone doesn’t want to spend time with you. Similarly, if someone wants to spend time with you but makes you uncomfortable, it’s ok to be clear with them about how you feel. Like I said, I wouldn’t want to be friends with all of Andy Samberg’s characters.
So go make friends (but actually don’t, social distancing is more important right now)
As a non-expert drawing upon the teachings of Andy Samberg, who I really can only imagine would be a good friend, that’s my advice about making new friends as an adult. If you like someone and want to be their friend- you might as well talk to them. You miss all the shots you don’t take. You miss some of the shots you do take, too, but that’s ok because your friends will be there for you.
If you’re my friend - or if you want to be - reach out! Even if it’s been a while I love catching up and talking about whatever!
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